Friday, December 23, 2011

Long ago and Far Away

Wow haven't been here in almost a year. Depression is a Bitch! Having no safe place for my thoughts is very isolating.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Friday, December 3, 2010


Actually this is the main one. This is all new and confusing.....

protected posts at wordpress

I am testing this out. So if you want the password to read the posts, let me know

Monday, October 25, 2010

Friday, September 24, 2010

Why? & The house that built me

I'm so over this hormonal BS. I'm still 137 pounds. Down from 167, but big whoop, Jugernaut was over 8 pounds and the fluid, blood, placenta etc... gad had to be like 10!!  The days of being 94-100 pounds are over. I get that. I accept that. Really I do. But this sucks badger balls. I have a ginormous belly flap (think click) and looks like I'm still 6 months preg. My incision is not healing right and looks like frakenbelly. Not to mention the other pleasantness that should have stopped by now. WTF!!

And other than the love I have for the crotch critters I've gestated and brought into this world, I would like to go back to being numb and cold hearted. Its easier. I wear my b*tch face well.
And I was reminded yet again today what A b*tch I am...  because well someone else's mistakes are ALWAYS my fault.
Its amazing how some things never change. Not amazing. PATHETIC! I have to make myself accept they never will change. 

The things we want to hold onto and never want to change, always do. And the things that need change the most, that you WANT to change the most never do.
The house that built me... we're both falling apart.

*Drove past my G & G's house. Its still for sale. Has been for awhile. Its been both ridiculously low priced, and ridiculously high priced. Which is what it is right now. Beyond crazy high for the condition it is in. I'd pay $40,000, NOT $90,000!! That is insane. Looked in the front window. Drove down the back alley. The house looks like complete sh*t. MUCH worse than the pics. Totally broke my heart. I love that house. I wanted to buy that house. Me and the house are pretty much in the same condition at this point. Pretty soon we will both turn to dust.*

Maybe if I could love the house back into functioning shape,  I could get the same in return.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

The joys of Snark

Well I got this idea from a couple of great blogs I follow, and passing some snarky emails back n forth w some friends... much is left off of both lists, but snarky is as snarky does.. haha

Things I am good at:

verbal vomit
yelling (as per Windy)
making lists
being constipated
wipping out a boob (or 2)
binge eating
holding grudges
death glares
walking around in public w a b*tch face
avoiding ppl
hating ppl
coming up w new ways to kill ppl in my mind
decorating in my head
washing laundry
changing diapers
embarrassing my children
loving the sun/summer
telling the truth
driving like a one eyed maniac w teen kids friends in the car (so they dont ask me 4 rides)
despite the above, trying my best as a mom & loving my children w all my heart & soul

Things I suck at:

anything athletic
baking anything but brownies & muffins
ice skating
natural childbirth
putting away the laundry
being quiet
dieting/healthy eating
trusting ppl
not getting road rage
having good/nice hair days
liking ppl
decorating in real life
tolerating cold/winter
tolerating pain
tolerating drama
tolerating selfish ppl
tolerating narcissistic ppl
tolerating ppl who always have to "one up u"  as in; u did it, they did it better. u got it, they got it more. u had it bad, they had it worse. u know something, they know something more...
taking care of myself
not breaking my glasses
standing up for myself
eating liver
card games
time management
money management
remembering names
not gagging when I see men with long fingernails
giving up on ppl I love

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

My 2nd pushy son was born @36 1/2 weeks... on 8/27/10@ 12:51am. 8 pounds 1oz, 21 1/2 inches .